Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV. How do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not. Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in King's Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boy's Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-many, which is ... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boy's Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo race. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunters/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Don't know about you, but this made my day. Priceless!
Posts
Thanks for the good chuckle. It's amazing how dumb people are. Not their fault, I guess. Maybe if we insisted on studying the earth's geography in school, some of the questions wouldn't be asked.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Wendy!
Hi Joylene - Glad you enjoyed the post. It certainly tickled my fancy.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for Geography being taught at schools - don't get me going on that topic ...
Think I might reread my post again for a jolly good laugh! :)
HA! That's the funniest thing I've read in a while. Loved it. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHey Jason! So nice to see you here :) It was funny wasn't it? Haha! It takes all sorts to make the world go round :)
ReplyDeleteQ: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
ReplyDeleteA: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunters/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
I'm sneaking a read of this blog here at work and people are staring at me as I stifle a giggle but the above just made me bust my corset!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!
LOL!!!
Ok, I better stop giggling now and head off for the morning's work meeting! Booo! Take care
x
Old Kitty - I don't know what's more funny, you or the post!
ReplyDeleteI must dig around and find something NZ related. Probably be about sheep/rugby/sheep/kiwi/more sheep and yep ... more sheep :)
Take care of you too sweetpea :)
Ask a silly question, get a silly answer. That's the way it should be done.
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious.
It's good to see you back after such an extended time away.
Lee
Tossing It Out
Lee - Thanks. Nothing like a good old fashioned laugh at someone else's expense :)
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see you too.
Hilarious! It's surprising how little common sense people use when asking questions. (Hugs)Indigo
ReplyDeleteIndigo - You've got to love ignorance! It made my day. Glad you enjoyed it too.
ReplyDelete(Hugs) back :)
naked audience at hippo races! Now that sounds wonderfully delightful! Where do I sing up? For the audience off course, not for racing :)
ReplyDeleteDezmond - Speak of the devil. I was just thinking about you :)
ReplyDeleteYes, it would be positively delightful. Even more so to see you on the back of a hippo!
No signing up required. Just pay at the door. Oh, don't pay any attention to the 'naked' dress code. Probably best to wear clothes :)
Those are nuts!!! I think I could be good friends with the person who wrote those answers. But I'm wearing clothes to the hippo racing! :)
ReplyDeleteJemi - Thank God! Haha!
ReplyDeleteNice to see you Jemi. I must swing by your blog :)
LOL. Those are some hilarious answers. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Golden Eagle - They're simply priceless! Glad you enjoyed it :)
ReplyDeleteWell that was pretty darn funny. Love the Aussie sense of humor. People sure can ask really stupid questions.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Stephen - Yes, us lot from Down Under, have an inimitable sense of humor - and thick skins to boot.
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it :)
Gidday Wendy,
ReplyDeleteOh my, the worrying thing is that I'm not surprised by the questions. Hilarious, nonetheless :)
Ah yes, Australia, the name Alice Springs to mind and where was Mel Born? I know, it's all you Canberra...
And speaking of New Zealand..
Is it true that kiwis are half fruit, half bird? :)
OMGoodness, Wendy! That was so funny! Sadly I had one of those "Oh" moments when it came to the hippo question. Very disappointing to find out there are no hippos in Australia. :-(
ReplyDeleteLoved those comments. Tourists. Ah, oops. I plan to be one in the future. I better watch out. LOL, Roland
ReplyDeleteLove these. Thanks so much for the laughs. I laughed so I had tears in my eyes. :)
ReplyDeleteMason
Thoughts in Progress
Freelance Editing By Mason
Gidday Gary - You're right, Canberra no more! Mad Springs to mind :)
ReplyDeleteNo, kiwis are half bird, half fruit. Not the other way around. Most important.
Nice to see you, good sir :)
Sharon - No, no hippos sadly. But they do have Drop Bears - so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them :) Haha!
ReplyDeleteRoland - If/when you're a tourist in this part of the world, remember to ask sensible questions. Be afraid, be very afraid otherwise :)
ReplyDeleteMason - Me too! Nothing like laughing at someone else's expense :)
ReplyDeletewhat, nor fornicating cane toad queries? :P lol
ReplyDeletemake that NO fornicating cane toad queries! SHEEEESH
ReplyDeletelaughingwolf - No, no fornicating cane toad queries - yet. Will keep you posted :) Haha!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Sorry, man of few words. We should get together and talk sometime. :)
ReplyDeleteDL Hammons - I'm now totally speechless! Very funny :)
ReplyDeleteIf I ride naked in the hippo race, will mosquitos be a problem?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have room for a passenger.
Walter - No. There are no mosquitoes Down Under. Only sheep, hippos and kangaroos.
ReplyDeletePerhaps a passenger could thumb a ride on a crop duster?
Hello Wendy,
ReplyDeleteIt’s nice to see you posting again.
Sorry that I’m late in adding my comments to this amusing post; I was following the railroad tracks between Perth and Sydney, ran into the hippo races and stopped to see all of the spectators...WOW!
Hello David - I trust you observed the dress code whilst battling hippos along the railroad tracks between Perth and Sydney ...and were ... how do I say this ... err, naked? Haha!
ReplyDeleteVery nice to see you too, good sir :)
hahahahaha!!!! That is proper funny! :D I'll share this with my Aussie friends in my forum :)
ReplyDeleteHi Kurt - Love it! Hope your Aussie friends enjoy it as much as we have!
ReplyDeleteI'm not Aussie, but I followed Kurt's link on our forum and I found this post hilarious! Haha!! The rattlesnake one made me laugh. And now I'm scared of drop bears. I think I'll have nightmares. :D
ReplyDeleteHi Annie - Haha! Isn't it great :) Gotta love the Aussie sense of humour. Dry as a bone in the desert :)
ReplyDeleteNice to see you :)
And I'm taking a closer look at the map you have as a picture. Um... Not sure if I ever want to visit Australia! LOL
ReplyDeleteHi Annie - Don't let that put you off. As long as you wear long leather boots to protect you from the snakes, wear a wetsuit in the ocean and don't lurk under trees where Drop Bears sit, you'll be fine :)
ReplyDeleteI liked the Fountain of Youth answer the best. And I'm, like, totally gonna buy some.
ReplyDeleteMelanie - I'd imagine there would be a very long procession. Queue up with me :)
ReplyDeleteI loved this so much. Such a fun Q and A. :)
ReplyDeleteSorry for the delay Medeia, you must have slipped through the net. Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it :)
ReplyDelete